


Turn Away

by litamaze



Category: Bandom
Genre: Based on a My Chemical Romance Song, Cancer, M/M, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 01:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4727249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/litamaze/pseuds/litamaze





	Turn Away

"Don't look at me Pete. I wish you didn't have to remember me, like this." Patrick lay in the hospital bed. It was true the doctors only gave him a few more days, a week if they were lucky. The cancer, it just wasn't caught soon enough. Pete regrets ignoring the signs. The pain in Patrick's chest, the spluttering and coughing. The blood. And by then it was just too late to save him. Of course he blamed himself, but Patrick didn't. Patrick blamed himself for not seeking help, even when he was certain something was wrong.

"I'll always remember you like this, because you still look beautiful to me baby." Pete sat in the chair next to the hospital bed, took his small frail hand in to his palms. "And from our last tour, from our first gig, the day I proposed, and the night." Pete smiled when Patrick tried to laugh. He was very weak.

He began to cough again, in obvious pain, eyes screwed tight. It made Pete's heart weep. Pete got a handful of tissues from the bow on the counter, then pulled Patrick to sit, and rubbed his back soothingly. When he was finished, Pete held the tissues to Patrick's mouth and wiped away the trail of blood spewing from his lips. "Do you need anything, 'Trick?". He disposed of the tissues, and sat back next to Patrick.

"If you could, get me a drink, of water." He weazed. Pete kissed his hand and left to find a nurse. He returned moments later with a glass of water. He sat and held it to Patrick's lips, Patrick raised a hand to hold Pete's wrist as he sipped. When the water was taken away from him, Pete studied his mouth. His lips were chapped and a faded blue colour.

"Do you want some chap stick?" Patrick nodded gently. Pete reached around for his hospital bag, routing around for the small tube. He found it swiftly enough, leaning over the bed to apply it gently to Patrick's dry lips. When he was done he kissed them softly and sat back down. Reaching for Patrick's hand once again.

Patrick opened his mouth to speak, Pete waited patiently. Patrick had been finding it a lot harder to speak these past few weeks. The doctor said it was a sign the end was close. Pete had cried for hours alone in their shared home after visiting hours were over. "You need to, call my Aunt Marie. She's coming to, help you gather all my things. So, decide if, you're keeping anything. Okay?" Pete squeezed his hand slightly.

"Yeah okay." They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"I want you to pick my outfit.. The burgundy shirt please." Patrick continued. Pete hanging off his every word. "And- just, bury me, in all my favourite colours." Pete nodded along, taking mental notes. Patrick began to tear up, Pete was ready again with tissues. "I wish," he shook a little, "I wish I could see, my brother, and sister, again." He sobbed quietly, Pete wrapped him delicately into his arms, perching himself on the bed again. "I want to kiss them, one last time, the nurses wouldn't let me, in case of germs, so I didn't get worse. The time for worst is-, it's over now." Pete held him through his sobs, rubbing his back again in small circles.

"That's the hardest part, Pete. Leaving."

-

The next day Pete showed up early to nap next to Patrick as he would still be sleeping. He set himself up in the arm chair in the corner hugging his hospital bag tightly, imagining Patrick in his arms. He looked over at the sleeping figure. So thin and fragile. He only weighed maybe 110 pounds now, but Pete still couldn't except this was the end. Patrick stirred in the bed a little. He began to cough again. Pete rose to help him again, holding tissues up to catch the blood and wipe away the excess when he was done.

"You're here early." Patrick commented quietly. Pete came to sit by him.

"I wanted to be here when you woke up. You know, in case you needed anything." He smiled tightly, trying not to look sad. Patrick looked over to the mirror adjacent the bed and frowned.

"How can you stand to see me, when I'm awful just to see." A few tears ran down his cheeks. Pete brushed them away with the pad of his thumb.  
"Why are you. I think you're gorgeous. Definitely the handsome one." He stood and smiled down at Patrick in attempt to hear him laugh again. It didn't work.

"'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body." He looked up at Pete, another tear escaping. Pete couldn't hold it in, the fear of loneliness, the sadness after losing Patrick. Perfect Patrick. Patrick groaned in pain keeling over on the bed, Pete was over run with panic.

"What's wrong? Patrick?" He knelt next to the bed, stroking Patrick's arm.

"It hurts Pete." He whimpered in agony, Pete had no idea what to do. "It sucks. Life sucks. It's not fair!" He cried loudly, the tears he once tried to hold back. And it did suck, that Patrick was being stolen to early. "It sucks we don't get to get married the most." That was all it took to push Pete over the edge. Tears streamed down his face, staining his pale cheeks.

"I'm sorry I didn't bring you here earlier." Pete sobbed. He'd never cried so much, but these past few months of treatment, trying to buy more time for them, just hadn't been working. So Pete had to let it all out the only way he know how. Curling up alone in their bed every night, and crying himself to sleep on Patrick's side of the bed.

"It's not you're fault. Nobody could have seen this coming." Patrick stroked Pete's soft hair as he cried, knelt with his head on the bed. Pete stood up and wiped the tears away. Patrick shuffled over on the bed, letting Pete crawl in next to him. Patrick snaked an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in closer. Pete rested his head on Patrick's shoulder and sighed deeply.

They sat in silence for a while. Pete noticed Patrick's skin getting damp from sweat. "Sweetie, are you okay?" Pete whispered with worry. Patrick let out a small huff of laughter.

"Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo." Pete closed his eyes tight trying not to think about how death is waiting outside the hospital, waiting to greet Patrick in maybe a day? Maybe two? It would be the longest days of his life. "Pete?" Pete was knocked out of his fantasy.

"Yeah?" He looked up, worried again.

"I feel like we're just counting down the days to go." He paused and shook his head. "It just ain't living, you know?" Pete was silent. Once again he didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry to put you through this Pete."

"Don't be." Pete sat up straight and looked into Patrick's eyes, grabbing his frail hands. "I'm in this, through sickness and in health. 'Til death do us part. Then that's it for me. I will always love you, and I just hope you know." They sat together and talked about nothing until it was Pete's time to leave again.

"Pete? Can you bring me a hat? From home?" He looked nervous, as if Pete could say no to him.  
"Of course I can."

-

It was definitely the last day Patrick had left. And that hurt, sure but, they'd been waiting. Patrick had said his last goodbyes to all his friends and family. Pete hadn't said goodbye. Patrick was ready.  
Pete came just as Patrick was waking up. He walked quickly to the bed, and placed a black fedora atop his head. Patrick smiled through his wake up yawn. "I want you to know, Pete.. I think you should say goodbye today." He hesitated. "Please, be true about how you feel." Patrick laid back against the pillows propped up against the head board. Pete sat in the armchair next to the bed, scooting closer until he could reach Patrick's hand, holding it in his larger ones.

"I'm scared Patrick, of being alone, of losing you." He kissed Patrick's knuckles. "I can't imagine life without you in it.." A tear escaped his eyes, rolling down his skin and landing on the bed. "I'm going to miss you Patrick, and I want you to know that, I will always love you. Even if you come back and haunt me, I would cherish every second. I wish we could of had more time together. Fifteen years just isn't enough, and you need to tell the big guy upstairs to send you down as a guardian angel for me or some shit, because otherwise.. I'm gonna miss you way to much." Patrick moved up on the bed and let Pete wrap an arm around him and tug him close. He laid his head on Pete's warm chest and sighed.

"Thank you. I love you." Patrick let the tears fall free, soaking through Pete's shirt but he didn't care. "You know Pete.. The hardest part of this, is leaving you." Patrick closed his eyes and Pete kissed his forehead under the brim of the fedora. "Good night Pete. I love you."

"Good night Patrick, save me a seat on a cloud up there." Patrick let out a short huff of laughter. "I love you."

Patrick's heart monitor flat lined. As the nurses ran in, Pete held his Patrick in his arms.

Goodbye just wasn't enough.


End file.
